Saturday

Our oldest and youngest grandsons will be spending today, overnight and most of tomorrow with us. This will be the first time that the little one (14 months old) has been away from his mom and his own home overnight. Gulp. Their two dogs, will be coming here also. Two beagles. Should be an interesting couple of days…..and busy ones, too.

Mom’s appointment yesterday went relatively well. The doctor did biopsies and believes that this is *not* a cancer at all. Very good news. There is a mixture of medications that the doctor has used in the past when traditional meds haven’t worked on something like this…..it is made/mixed by a speciality pharmacy. The pharmacy was unable to get to mixing the compound up until last night so I was going to drive there either late last night or this morning. The doctor’s nurse is heading this way for a wedding, late this afternoon, and she offered to pick the prescription up and meet me on her way to the wedding! This was an incredibly generous and kind offer. She said the pharmacy was just a little out of her usual route to the freeway and made more sense for her to offer to do this instead of me spending almost 3.5 hours driving the trip to the pharmacy, to mom’s (to deliver the medication to her) and back home. I cannot thank her enough for her generosity and kindness!!! So, instead of 3.5 hours driving, this will mean I have about 1 - 1.5 hours driving time. I knew DH was capable of watching the grandsons by himself while I made the longish route……but this is so much easier. Mom gave me some money to give to this kind lady, to help cover their gasoline and time, I’ll also write her a thank you note. Incredibly kind of her!

So……I’m hoping that this medication, along with continuing the other two meds, will get mom healthy again. If this medication doesn’t work, there is one other treatment to try before they will have to do surgery.

I guess part of my frustration over the situation is that I feel spread so thin right now with commitments that I’ve made to my children to help them with their childcare and house/animal sitting while they are away from home. I love helping family and friends, love being there to make things easier for others (maybe too much—-but I’m not going to delve into that bag of worms or flaw in my personality right now, LOL)…..but along with being there to ‘do’ for others, I find that I deplete my energy (mental and physical) pretty quickly. Add to that some other personal hurts that weigh heavy on my mind right now…..I was just feeling a bit more overwhelmed than I was able to handle gracefully. :^\

Mom seemed much happier and more relaxed (could have been the Versed or other meds that the doctor gave her for the procedure, LOL) on our way home. She is hopeful now, whereas she said she was so frightened before. I figured she was resisting seeking help and being so difficult because she was afraid that the diagnosis was going to be ‘bad’. I will continue to work on changing her thinking so if she feels ill, that she will be proactive in checking it out/seeking help instead of shoving her head down in the sand as far as possible (and fighting to keep her head hidden).

Well, this post has been sitting while I ran around getting dressed, toddler proofing (more than my usual) and preparing for the kids……

Oh! They are here!

Later (and thank you!)

Friday

Today is one of those days that you look forward to but also dread in the pit of your stomach. Conflicting thoughts and feelings. Wanting answers and solutions but also dreading what those answers and solutions might be. Mom has been so ill for so long, her body cannot take much more of the stress of her illness. Her breathing is labored and she has very little energy. She’s been bleeding for 7 months. Her energy and stamina are so low that making the trip out to her mailbox to retrieve her newspaper and mail is a major accomplishment. I’m scared for her, upset with her for not being proactive in seeking medical help and dragging her feet when medical help is offered. Conflicting feelings, conflicting thoughts….

I am ashamed that I’ve been short on patience over this and quick to feel frustration with her avoidance of taking on seeking an answer.

Busy days

Wow! How did 7 days go by already? We’ve had a busy week. We accomplished a lot on the roof over our back deck. That was how we spent much of our weekend. My husband was able to use our excavator to lift the 24′ beam and set it into the brackets set up on the 8″ x 8″ posts. I wasn’t wild about him driving the excavator into the back yard, it is huge, heavy and usually leaves an obvious path (of destruction? ) but, for safety sake, it was great to have it to lift the beam instead of having 3 people carrying it up ladders. No backs were strained and no fingers smashed—so the small bit of torn up sod and mashed flower bed were a very acceptable price to pay for using it to be our muscle.

On Tuesday evening, after DH got off work, we began cutting rafters. We have 6 of the 19 installed. DH hopes to get another 5 or 6 notched and set in place this evening. We, possibly, could be sheeting the rafters, with plywood, on Saturday. Things are moving along nicely.

My mother has been ill since late December. She was hospitalized for 6 days in March and is still battling problems. There is concern that she is becoming anemic and dehydrated so the specialist’s office has juggled their schedule to work her in for a procedure tomorrow. I have been talking with the office twice a day for 2 weeks as they followed her health, giving them updates on how she was reacting to a medication they added. Her doctor and his office staff are fabulous for caring deeply how their patients are feeling. I appreciated their calls and their kindness whenever I called them. I was to babysit the twins tomorrow, but instead need to spend about 6 hours doing mom’s driving and waiting for her to have the procedure. The twins’ dad will be taking a vacation day to watch his boys (he is a great guy!). Mom, of course, is being incredibly difficult about having the procedure done, the prep for the procedure and not at all appreciative of all that the specialist’s office is doing to make this happen for her. All she sees is that this is a huge inconvienence…..amazing. She has been housebound for close to 7 months. Only leaving the house for doctor’s appointments and 3 trips to the grocery store in almost 210 days. Hello? What is inconvienent? Symptoms and pain so severe that you spend most of your day telling others that you are going to die or doing the prep and riding in a car for 75-90 minutes to get to a procedure that will give you (hopefully) information on how to heal what is ailing you.

Apparently this is a sore subject with me. Much of my life and time is wrapped up with helping care for my mother’s medical needs. I’ve been tied in knots for months and my chest aches when I think about it. I do not expect to hear a report that she has cancer, she had a clean report last September when she had this procedure done (she has it annually). But cancer would explain what is happening to her. Anyway, not expecting the diagnosis…and don’t need to borrow trouble. But my mother and her health problems impact my life and my mind plays a bit with the ‘what-if’, I keep reminding myself don’t go looking for trouble—all will work out.

My life is good. God’s given me so many blessings in my life. Sure some times bad things happen or I’m hurt by things others say or do, but the blessings are so much more plentiful than the negatives. I’m reminding myself daily to look for those silver linings in the clouds as they scoot across my day—-some days it is challenging to look past the stress or hurts but some days those silver linings are so brilliant and beautiful that I’m ashamed for feeling down about anything.

Well, I have time for one more cup of coffee and a fast walk to the mailbox to retrieve yesterday’s mail before my two little grandsons arrive. Our other 2 grandsons will be staying with us Saturday and Sunday (along with their 2 dogs) so the weekend will be a fun, full and busy one.

I hope everyone has a nice day and a good weekend.

30 down and 30 to go…..

About an hour ago, as the twins were waking from their nap, it hit me—they’ve been here 30 hours so far and there are only 30 hours left of babysitting them this week. I had napped on the couch while they were napping upstairs in their beds. Maybe my need for a nap was the reason this math-o-phobic did the math? LOL Truly I love having them here and getting the opportunity to be so much a part of their lives. Nothing compares to a wet kiss and tiny arms wrapped around your neck as you hear ‘luv you Grammie’. I loved being a mom and now, with these little ones I’m getting to enjoy just a little bit of that small child parenting one more time in my life. Don’t misunderstand, I’m not interested in taking over parenting duties of tiny ones (Grammie is no fool), but getting to spend time with tiny tikes has some wonderful rewards……..along with some challenging times.

One tool that I suggest if you are a grandparent that spends time with little ones is a baby monitor.
The baby monitor, I bought, has sound and video so I’m able to hear if they wake, cough, cry, snore…..and I can watch their silliness before they fall asleep and when they wake. I can watch to see if they truly ‘need’ soothing when they cry or if they are just bored and want Grammie to come see them. The baby monitor was a very good investment.

Yesterday, during their nap, I spent the time in my sewing room. I had come across some stack & whack blocks that I had made years ago during a class with friends. I used the majority of the blocks for a baby quilt (30’s fabrics) but there were 10 blocks left over, they were already sewn into rows of 5 blocks. I was going to toss them, but decided to separate the blocks and some how use them in another baby quilt. I’m not positive how I’ll use them, if I’ll put them in with solid color blocks or if I’ll take some of the extra 30’s FQs I still have in my stash and cut full blocks from them. I’ll have to lay everything out (when the twins go home) and see what looks like it will work the best. There are no little girl babies due any time soon (that I’m aware of anyway)….so no rush on doing this. It is just something laying about that will be easy and no pressure to complete. Today I napped instead of using the quiet/free time for anything useful. Or maybe napping was useful, LOL. Yeah, I think it was worthwhile and useful. Old folks need their rest.

What a lame blog entry. Just random thoughts as I watch the boys play…..one is playing with wooden alphabet blocks and the other is serving me pretend coffee that is being dispensed from the propeller of his ‘ride-on’ airplane toy? Interesting….

Okay, both are now wanting to push the keys on the computer or press the laptop screen……time to shut this thing off and focus on them.

Just another day in paradise…..ha!

Well, it has taken me a week to get back to posting here. The grands must have wore me out more that I knew. ;^) . As it turned out as soon as I finished my previous post and was thinking I’d get to close my eyes for a bit, the youngest grandson woke. By the time I turned off the computer and put it away to go get the little guy, the twins were awake and calling to me to come get them. The 4 year old was asleep but the other 3 little ones made sure his nap didn’t last very long once they came into the living room. Even though the day was busy, it was a lot of fun to have them all here.

The twins arrived around 7:30 this morning and will be staying after dinner time on Friday. I think it is the longest stretch that I’ve had them. Their mother is having to work today and then go out of town with some of her co-workers and one of her bosses, to a seminar (continuing education). Their dad is a great guy, entirely capable and willing to take care of the twins by himself, but it is 1 hour and 40 minutes of driving each day that the twins come here. 30 minute drive each way from their house to ours and 20 minutes each way to their jobs in town. The parents usually split the driving, one brings them here in the morning and the other one picks them up at night. They usually go to bed within 2 hours of leaving here in the evenings so there isn’t much visiting time between the boys and their parents on those nights…..so I offered to just keep them overnight so their dad wouldn’t have to do all the driving, the baths and the breakfasts/dressing by himself. He is coming to dinner this evening and will play with the boys until they go to bed, but tomorrow he’ll skip driving out and just enjoy having some time to himself in his shop after work. I’m sure I’ll be ready for some quiet time at about 6:30 pm on Friday.

I recently purchased a hydraulic lift system for my quilting machine/frame. I heard about the system from Linda, she purchased one and was very happy with it. Currently in order to change the height of my frame I have to borrow the small hydraulic jack out of my husband’s van and jack the frame up, use 2 wrenches to remove some bolts, adjust the extension legs, put the bolts back in, tighten them with the wrenches, lower the jack and repeat at the other end of the table. The purchase was not a necessary one……if you know how much I use my machine, you knew that right off (LOL)……but it was something I thought I would enjoy having and using. I’m hoping DH will have time (make time?) soon to put the system on the machine…

Well, the twins are awake and entertaining each other (I’m watching them on the baby monitor). They are in separate cribs, about 6 feet from each other and they are making each other laugh with silly noises and jumping up and down. I think I’d better head up there and get them out of their beds before the fussing begins.

Oh, one more thing……did I mention that we are putting a roof over our deck? The lumber was delivered last week, and on Saturday we poured the footings for the 3 big posts that will hold the beam. DH then made a ‘frame’ of 1″ x 4″ x 10′ boards and clamped it onto the edge of the deck to show me how low the beam was going to be…….and so I could see what the new roof would hide of the upper back yard area that I currently see out my kitchen and dining room windows….. Oh sugars!!! I will have NO view, I will no longer be able to see the elk and deer as they walk through, I will no longer be able to see a portion of the pasture…..I will see the back retaining wall (thankfully it is an attractive wall compared to many) and about 8′ of the hillside above the wall. That is it. UGH!!! I hate it. But what to do? The materials were bought, the footings poured, the post braces set in concrete……and DH had told me my view would be restricted, I just didn’t realize how much of a restriction it was going to be. There are other rooms where I can go to look up at the tree line…..but no longer will I have a wonderful view out the kitchen and dining room. I can see that there will be a necessity for more flower beds……..

One of those times where the saying “be careful what you ask for, you just may get it” is appropriate. I wanted a covered and screened porch/deck and I’m getting it, the trade off is that I’m losing a beautiful view out of those 2 rooms. :^\

Okay……..the boys have been very patient (and they are still playing) but I’ve got to get off of here and go get them. (I’m hearing them make raspberry sounds….is that a ‘boy noise’? ).

Nap?

I am babysitting all 4 grandsons today. The 3 youngest are down for a nap (yes!). The twins (22 months old) and the baby (14 months) played so hard this morning that they didn’t put up much of a fuss when I said ‘it is nap time’ after they ate their lunch. The 4 year old is quietly playing with his Matchbox cars. It has been a busy morning. Thankfully they all play well together (most of the time) and there have been just a couple of tears–mainly frustration tears over sharing.

I spent yesterday morning rearranging my sewing room——-again. I do this often in an attempt to make the space work better and seem larger. Each time I tweak things, it does seem that I’m getting closer to how I want the room to be. Then in the afternoon I met up with other family members and some people from church to set up a concession stand (4th of July festivities). Thankfully, this year, my contribution to the fund raiser, will be to babysit so the grandchildren’s mothers can be free to man the concession booth (YES!).

The 4 year old just laid down on the couch with a pillow and blanket. I told him he didn’t have to sleep, just rest until the little ones wake up. I’m surprised he didn’t fight me on it, he must be tired. I’m going to just sit here in my chair and rest while all of them are napping.